Has it really been that long since I posted? God damn I'm out of touch! I had to delete 300 journals about 100 polls and 200+ deviation updates! Where do I even begin to say what's been going on? Well the japan trip was cancelled for a start which I was not pleased about, as for furthering my career well... hold onto your hats guys because this wall of text is so epic in scale I had to do it in not 2 but 3 journals!

I've found it difficult to apply for work I should be able to do, because I'm too honest and not confident enough to bullshit people when I know I still have skills I need to learn, I would by lying though if I said I wasn't scared of full time work being as disorganised as I am. I really feel like I should not still have problems like that and yet I still do, probably for reasons too personal to post here x.x

I'm doing some part time volunteer work, but so far I've not been able to show off a lot of what I can do there. That's not to say I have not made some things I could put in my portfolio, but since none of it's been used yet by them when they're still only using word and publisher most of the time, it does make you concerned maybe I should post them on DA or something? *shrugs*

In terms of studies I'm doing a self study webmasters course so I can finally stop questioning my own skills in website building and can then move onto just artistic studies, but lets just say I'm taking waaaay too long with that right now.

Compared to all of this however, more then anything I think what has hit me most is everyone from college going their seperate ways and even a lot of my online contacts seeming to vanish. This in turn has led to depression etc and generally not a lot productive things happening, I'm sure most people on deviantart will aggree we all need our solitude at times to get anything done, but too much of it like I've been getting and your brain plays all kinds of tricks on you! It's a really stupid endless cycle, you go into self loathing from solitude so you do less, but if you do less you have less people talk to you which makes you feel worse etc etc etc.

Now more then ever it feels like I'm balenced on some kind of limbo fence, the choices I make now are going to change the rest of my life, either happy and successful or bitter bitter and more bitter from not keeping active I guess. My family is still there for me, but all the help I used to get seems to be becoming less and less lately while I still feel like I have a mountain to climb.

So where do I go from here? Well for starters I need to stop self loathing I guess, start keeping some promises I made to people like my secret flash projects and if I can do that, then maybe I can get back to my old awesome self x.x my life priorities are going to change I may even hand in my pro gamer card status, but even though I have been inactive I have no intention of giving up on making art, I'll die before I let that happen.

Oh and some linkage for thee

twitter [link]

youtube [link]

newgrounds [link]

SK signing off... (hopefully not until ANOTHER 2 years x.x)

P.S. I removed the friends grid I had here but it's of no disrepect to anyone, my channel already has a friends box which I try to keep accurate and unless I suddenly get a ton of new friends/watchers I don't really need it right now x.x as for the other 2 journals... you deserve a medal if you read all 3

trio entry 1: Animated movies meme [link]

trio entry 2: character meme thingie [link]